A breeze of last week.

Monday: Teach and slack.
Tuesday: Went to Adel's residence to meet up with her and Ish. Roasted chicken and macaroni&cheese. Talk about awesome food. Three girls sprawled on the queen-sized and nonsense were exchanged (it's because of them that I became horribly dirty-minded).
Wednesday: Cycling from Bedok to Hougang to teach. The length you go to save money. Slept over the Grands.
Thursday: Drive, teach, cycle, and slack. With Nur. Nur is so bad on the bed (while asleep I mean!) she gave me bruises on my back. NEVER sleep with her!
Friday: Settled Yanachan's present. Cycled to Siglap to chill at Haagen Daz with Teo. Nice (but freaking expensive) rootbeer float. Stayed from 3 until 7. He rocks. Go kembangan Escada View to meet setan Nurul Hayati to get the thing. And chat for a while. Cycled home then to nenek's. Tisya bothered my life that night.
Saturday: Soccer in the morn with Osha, Kyun, Ziz, Goldfish, Indah, Cj and Mima. I wacked someone's leg very badly, got the ball rammed (obviously CJ's) in the ribs, and injured the right feet. Meh. Went to Naz's and to Yanachan's for her birthday party and in the sweltering heat me and Naz cooked takoyakis. Met new people, eat too much food. Cabbed to nenek's for supplies then back to Yanachan's to sleepover. Naz attacked me at night (so scary), hence emotionally distraught (lol).
Elf cried over the phone which was so sad I want to cry too.
Sunday: Go blaja and back to Yanachan's again to watch not one, but TWO horror movies which I was scarred for life by the 2nd's. Wishing Stairs is the title. A twisted love story between lesbians?? Yanachan kept looking at me with annoying eyebrows (I wished I could shave it off right then). Went to teach damsel. Headed to TM. He fetched and whisked me away to esplanade, then walked to Marina for dinner at Tambuah Mas. Walked a lot through the cool night to Esplanade back again after dinner, up the river, Fullerton.
((:


Today was badminton. My legs felt like lead coated with steel. Tiring but good workout (: Had no toilets nearby so I went to Pei En's to change. Sorry to bother you eh! But nice to see you (with pants that's folded up on one side and not the other). Met elf! ((: haven't seen her for quite a while but heard her almost everyday. She was tormented. Lunch at Sakura and went to find her vest, which was un-findable. Haha! If you want to buy something right, must remember the SHOPNAME and what colour the shirt is. Arcade for a while and walked then headed home. She's so man still please.

Slept for an hour at 4 and was rudely awaken by a phone call by dad over at Vietnam. He bought a hammock! How cool. Due to the rude awakening, I'm having wicked headaches as we speak. Yesterday night Adel called after I slept AND AS USUAL I DIDN'T REALISED UNTIL I CHECKED THE CALLS. Lucky I didn't say anything embarrassing (unlike with Mat).


Occupied mind every single day, hour, minute, fucking second. A ghost, you're like a ghost I can touch but not grab hold, the sand that I clutched so hard to my heart yet it trickled down steadily. Maybe I should start to have a distance because I'd rather not anything happen since it's wrong (with capital letters). Because society states it's unethical.
But God, why must I be tormented like this? I have a man who loves me beyond measure and I too, but I happen to love her more ):

Just lost in transition.

ofblack&white
5:52 PM

My Sunday morning, unlike most people sleeping through the comfortable rainy one, was spent entertaining strangers-turned-friends over at my residence. It was a peculiar bunch, my parents' friends, mostly consisting of old people except for two young adults. So my house was filled with rendang, lontong, lodeh (God I'm lucky I didn't really eat this in the morning it's a recipe for fatness), bread pudding, brownies, tea and that delightful Candian accent.

Big decision of the day: My mum asked if I wanted to join them to Vietnam for the wedding. Previously I'd say no, but now my bones quite want to say yes but that would mean rescheduling tuitions and missing Yanachan's birthday party(which I'm almost positive she'd be annoyed). There's a round flight by Tiger going for S$200 at 0715 on Wednesday.
I AM TEMPTED.
Because the flight's cheap, and it's the only time I could chat in person with Laila and Yasmin.


Or I could just fly off to Canada end of this year or the next to meet up with them as promised.
That's a better (but more expensive) idea.


Le sigh.



Anyway met up with Nadz just now before she bugs off to Melbourne to study in two weeks time. If her plans of buying a house there is solid, I'd go Aussie to visit and stay.
Haha coming out with more money of course. Why do friends have to fly off, it's really sad ):


On with some games, earning money, and trying to find a new badminton partner now that she started working. Elf said she'd be happy to play haha yay!

Ok, on to deciding still and idle away.

ofblack&white
7:36 PM

And so it is,
just like you said it would be.
Life goes easy on me
most of the time.

And so it is,
the shorter story,
no love, no glory.
No hero in her sky.

I can't take my eyes off you.


And so it is,
Just like you said it should be.
We'll both forget the breeze
most of the time.


And so it is,
the colder water,
the blower's daughter,
the pupil in denial.


I can't take my eyes off you.


Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
leave it all behind?


And I can't take my mind off you.
I can't take my mind...
'Til I find somebody else.

ofblack&white
1:29 AM

I love it that right now I can use the computer in my room. I finally bought a monitor after much much much digression and all that 'ohhhh must I REALLY get it' moans. I've gotten a 19 inch LG flatron (or whatever it is really). It needs to get some getting use to but plus points are movies would be so much better.


I went out on Thursday for lunch with Pei En, the recipient of model-student-of-the-year award. After failing E. Math twice I don't know how she managed to pull through Business Math (which is a combination of Math 1 and I-don't-know-what). See, hard work DOES pay.
I tried the Tom Yam Yong Tau Fu and it's fucking spicy I nearly died eating but I persevered lol. Mum got a bit sick but thankfully she's fully functional by the next day ((:

Friday: Breakfast at Macs tuition his Friday prayers SimLimSquare PS Bistro getting a bit lost sheep's hair trying-to-find-a-nonexistant-waterproof-mp3 Assassin's Creed JBL SPEAKERS good company.

ofblack&white
12:45 PM

Art shows (where unknowingly Ziwei displayed her art pieces, how cool!), more badminton with Dewi, buffet and LOADS of catching up with the Lais, taidee at the Vivo rooftop park, oh VIRGIN CONFERENCE CALLS (that's fun), tuitions, late night ramblings, emo-texts with Mat, my aunt's wedding and getting trapped in kebarong and heels for the whole day (and actually to the airport in it), Earle's earthquake, "slowly yet surely", driving, late night dinner out,

Well that described the past five days or so.


And so, unable to sleep at 2 am, unable to do yoga, no access to the computer, I whipped out my guitar and sang (more like warbled??) the night away.
God bless my neighbours.

ofblack&white
8:08 PM

God-awfully pathetic, I am.

ofblack&white
10:58 PM

There's the frustration that drove me out of home last night and cycling on main roads, trying to find some answer amidst the noisy rumbling of buses and cars, the softly lit lamps on pavements and the soft lull of wind against my face. It drove me to East Coast and to the end of it until I was exhausted. I never been to the beach by myself at night and it's beautiful. Such therapy for sleep and stress.


Went to the IT show today don't even know why I went there for, but maybe it's good since I managed to check Mat's DSLR and Teo's hard drive. Will probably make a return trip back there with them on Saturday after some art exhibition Teo's dragging me to.


I managed to reach home earlyish, rest and cycled over to the grands. My grandpa taught me to cook my favourite fried rice. I really love him.
And rushed back, for basketball with Kat Osha and Kyun. Haven't seen the other two in ages! The last time I played with them was probably the days when Keng and me skipped some lessons to go over and play ball. Haha some things never change.


People say it's ok, everything will go smoothly. Problems would plagued only for a moment and they disappear. You got to live life as it is and don't fight it.
Screw it, nothing's going to be smooth, nothing's going to disappear, NOTHING'S going to change unless you change it for yourself. It's not something I'd jump to, because I'm so afraid of changes. I saw how it consumed once-friends, how it destroys and how it just isn't people-friendly.
I've been playing to same games for years and how could I expect a change if I've been doing the same things the same way the same time.

I'm at the bottom of it all. If only the floor would swallow me up before my ever-self-consuming-pity would.

ofblack&white
10:26 PM

Nowadays I feel so restless at night it's killing me. I was screaming and shouting alone at home (boy you should imagine the scene) until I could not take it I called elf since she's got that ability to defuse me. So there I was gabbing away spewing gibberish for all of 15 minutes until I ran out of steam then I calmly said "Ok babe, thanks. Good night!". Haha! Talk about abrupt.
I guess I'm just lonely, but I don't know who else's comfortable with me calling at unearthly hours just to listen to me talk the nonsense of the world so that I could sleep. If you are, please volunteer yourself lol!

Yes I AM aware that I am a selfish child. But what to do? The house's always empty and it's just me.
Sometimes I do welcome that solitude and my own space but like I always said too much of anything is never good.
So there.

I was excited as usual for a new day that came and went so fast. I was finding ways to tire myself like fuck so I can sleep like a baby at night.
I had to walk to the bus stop to pass the tumbler to Mima at 9 am. Wtf! Anyway headed down to Toa Payoh, where some facial person attacked my black heads like a maniac.
Na actually, it was very relaxing and did cleaned up my face ((:

But I wasted ALL her effort by going cycling with Zhong straight after that. Haha talk about wasting my money too!
She treated me to bike rentals and we went around the park, which was disappointingly small. Pitstopped at my favourite childhood playground, the Pasir Ris Park that area. I felt like a kid once more, bouncing on my toes with anticipation of riding the swing or down the long slide or that thing that goes round and round. God I pity Zhong because of my childishness.
Also cycled to White Sands (it was her first cycling to a town area).

The bbq was decent, it would be MUCH better if I know most of them better, but I didn't of course. And being lazy me I didn't want to go out of my way to be friendly. Explored Downtown with Zhong and I saw another of my childhood fantasies: That room with MANY little balls! I LOVED IT CAN. Especially this one since they used translucent plastic balls and they kept changing the colour of the lights (which was on the floor of the whole thing). Like SO COOL. I really dream of buying a big house so I can have a room filled with it :D
Anyway there's this monster of a dog barking so suddenly I screamed in the street. Fucking embarrassing please!


I had a good timing to go home. Whilst on the cab with the Pussycat and CJ it started pouring. The road visibility was so low I was telling the driver to drive carefully don't worry about being slow. Was so glad to be home.


I don't know why I had the temptation to blog so suddenly about today. Anyway this week is hyperweek, quite a lot of that exercising/playing everywhere. But one thing I'm looking forward to is basketball on Thursday with one of my oldest friends, Osha. Haven't seen her for quite a while?? Haha Kyun will be there too I think. I'll probably drag Kat along.
Maybe can call in Keng as well!



God, it's killing me every night.

ofblack&white
11:46 PM

Ah the weather here is fairly erratic. Yesterday it was winter and today it turns hot and humid, desert-style (as I type this, the ice-cream bell is ringing, maybe I should get one...).

Me travelling everywhere from one end of Singapore (literally) to another end does take a toll. Guess I have to try be more thrifty, but it's so hard, what's with living in Singapore so fucking expensive please. It's even expensive to travel when you're not a student-who's-allowed-concessions.
The government must DO something about this.


Today was badminton at Clementi and I really must say, my stamina did improved. Tremendously I would like to think. The first time I ran around for less than an hour and I felt like I've did a marathon. Now I could last for more than one and a half hour. Be proud of me! Dewi seemed very puzzled at my ability to down a can of 100 plus, a large ice lemon tea from KFC and a bubble tea from SweetTalk. I'm just thirsty, k?
But badminton is REALLY fun (minus the train ride to Clementi, it's quite painful unless you have a good book to immerse yourself in).

Then I was supposed to be at Tampines to teach Annoyingness but being fickle it was at Kovan. I can't BELIEVE I lost taidee to her. AH it's a symbol of ultimate loserness.


Went to Bagus for dinner with the foodkaki, TCJ. Grabbed a cab to go over Naz's for the tumbler.

And here's the part where I rant and rave about how PATHETIC the current soccer girls batch are, that they could afford expensive Nike jerseys but can't EVEN afford a tumbler that cost half of what their jerseys cost. It annoys me how they kept borrowing and bloody borrowing. All everyone could do was pitch in A dollar for a decent tumbler they could use for matches, etc. You can't always expect someone to lug around a tumbler for you for God's sake.

Sheesh.


When I reached home, I realised the main power was out. Haha brought back memories when I was all alone at home showering when the power just died and I ran out screaming and being scared out of my fats, ringing the only number that came to my mind when it's in this kind of situation. Anyway I came home to a dark house and the knowledge that my monitor died on me. WHY must it be the monitor is beyond me. So here I am, in bra and cargos, using my dad's computer, swearing at the weather like a sailor and just being annoyed that the fan in my parent's room is directly beside the computer (such that it's impossible to be moved to my direction).

I stayed up last night (at the insistance of friend) to watch a twisted reality show Solitary. I think I'd die if I were to be a contestant, really. And yesterday's French Open was so fast I couldn't believe it. Nadal wiped the clay court with Fed's face.
MAN.

I sometimes wonder why people fall in love and get married. Burning questions at the back of my head questions HOW sure are you that you're going to love the person for life? Flames, no matter how bright and roaringly hot, would eventually die down.
How sure are you it's going to last?
How sure are you that he (or she) would stand by through better or worst?
They say people keep to vows (whatever wedding vows you undertake) and that's what glued a marriage together (besides that 'unwavering' love) but there's a solvent for it called Divorce, and it's increasingly popular now (my uncle's going through one).
I know one thing for sure, nothing last forever (except diamonds??) and what's the point of going through all that trouble when you know someday, one day, it's going to end and getting hurt all over again?

God I'm not even twenty and here I am going about it like a fisherman's wife.
Scary.



Softness against hardness.
I think I'm doomed to be a sad deranged bisexual for life.




I need to shower, do the laundry and get what I always need most after a sweltering day badmintoning and tutioning away,
Sleep.

ofblack&white
9:00 PM

Okay so I had my sleep and rest guess I'll detail out the holiday lol. It's miraculous I woke up early these days.

I'll section it with dashes because unlike lj (which is TREMENDOUSLY user-friendly) it doesn't have the lj-cut.
Maybe I should switch back to lj.

---------------------------------


On Monday I woke up horribly groggy (I don't know about excitement it didn't set in when I woke) and thankfully parents drove us to DFS. Bus ride was I-don't-know-how-long-I-dozed-off-for-abit and there was a slight delay with the ferry, which took (I don't know, eternity?) about an hour and a half or 2. Accommodation was good, beach wonderful and people fantastically-friendly. Naz kept eating Ramlee burger -.- I don't know what's up with Ramlees. Haha. So checked in and then head straight off to the beach with the life-jacket and snorkel and saw fishes that looked quite delicious with sambal. Oh yea there were hundreds of cats I was so happy ((: Sexiness are they.
Stars were aplenty at night beautiful really and ate buffet dinner before hitting Ramlee burger and playing snake and ladders, which I completely pwn (translating computer speak, it means I own her ass lol) her at.

Second day we had some breakfast of course before following everyone else for the snorkelling trip at marine park and Renggis. Marine park has a lot of fishes but I want colourful corals so Renggis won hands down. I saw a squid there! Haha so cute. Look nice with sambal also.
Only got back about 12ish and ate the free lunch. I cannot remember if she ate Ramlee burger, she's ALWAYS munching on Ramlee or Ruffles (which resulted in guilty looks when I stared). There 4-kittens-in-a-box-that-comes-with-the-mum at diver's cove and we sat around there bothering it and then got to know Funny-san! The nicest person I've known. Anyway she turned out to be our dive instructor.
So diving, we practiced the basics in the pool and head out to the sea. I love diving like anything please. We saw a turtle and a stingray (which again will look great with sambal) and I thought I saw a baby shark? And Naz saw that puffer fish. A lot of nemos and some giant clams and ikan bilis (I think, anyway good with nasi lemak). Was really beautiful and a great experience ((:
It was raining cats and dogs when we got back to the jetty, and it was frigid. Beyond frigid I think. Was shivering like an idiot. I cannot remember if I went back snorkelling again (my memory's horrible) lol but anyway there wasn't much of a sunset sadly. Ate a bit of the buffet and bothered the cats and went on to have a tremendously early night (at 9 for her). I couldn't sleep so I sang and sang and sang and sang till 11? Or so. I don't know. Anyway the tv finally worked with HBO on at night (they only have one channel, so they were switching between HBO, NatGeo, Discov, and CNN).


Wednesday was another dive in the morning. Fun! With Adrian. I must say he is very handsome (Chinese Dutch lineage, what do you expect?); good-looking with that goatee thing about him but I was more interested in an American woman who was awesomely sexy and according to my imaginary gaydar (as some would call it) is gay.
HAHA.
Didn't see anything interesting but Naz happened to drop one of her fin. It was impossible to but she always defied that -.- One thing about diving was that I was really afraid on grazing the many sea urchins that lined the sea floor and between dead corals like mines out to kill. Sheesh. They're just black and sharpish.
So we went back and ate lunch, some fried rice which Naz got emotional about. And then off to the beach by ourselves. Singing stupid songs, snorkelling, tanning and just annoy the hell out of her. Skipped stones, I didn't manage a five ): Local kids running and swimming about. There were many moments where that idiot just got stuck on rocks and look like a turtle being placed on its shell. Hilarious.
In the evening we sat at Diver's Cove again and quite a number of people there; Funny-san, Adrian, that too many lineage couple (for starters the husband is a Norwegian who's Persian and the wife an Egyptian from Bahrain and they both stayed in Korea), the German couple and Aizad who taught us a bit of nonsensical Tranu language. Had fun talking and exchanging stories.
Anyway finally had sambal stingray and squid with rice nearby, which got Naz emotional again LOL. Got some souvenirs for my three cousins and my brother and head back to sleep. I felt cold that night, like feverish haha. Of all days.

The next day woke up slightly earlier than usual and packed up. Had very little breakfast and bothered the cats. Said goodbye to Funny-san (she is REALLY very nice and sincere and all that), drew her on the whiteboard and headed out to the jetty. Naz bought another Ramlee -.-
Had lunch somewhere at Mersing then off home in the coach. The driver was a maniac on the road. Horribly scary.
Anyway he dropped everyone else at Bukit Timah or Newton Circus, and was kind enough to drop us at Kembangan.
(:

-------------------------------------------


Like I said a wonderful experience, I missed that place already. So relaxed and sunny and unstressful. ):

So yesterday I booked my practical test and it's on 24 September, at 1630. Woohoo! Treated Sarah for driving me countless times there to first book my BTT, FTT and then my TPT. She's so nice. Went off to Kovan for basketball with Kat and of course that therapeutic verbal destress. Teo Qingrui called in the morning to meet up and chat and so after ball I went PP coffeebean to sit and talk and play taidee. What's new? I love Theo because he's just fun to talk to and play taidee with. Accompanied him to get pencils and headed off home to change then went mosque. Naz gave me this very nice card and I'm so touched lol.


Random texts with 2 best friends are always good. It's not a sudden realisation, it's a gradual one. Best friend Matin says "you don't find love, love finds you. And however bad or wrong it is, we never know till we get out feet wet." I love that!
Best friend Qistina says "ok why don't you keep on sinning till 30 then we'll help you taubat okay?" Hahah love them!
Planning to go KL with them sometime end of this month/beginning of next month for more bonding and laughter. Don't know what my parents will say to that. Oh and I love this: "It's just you and me, unless you don't mind emoboy to come along. I'm straight as a ruler btw (:" I was tempted to reply "yea I know, I'm as straight as a curve ruler too".
HAHA to that.


Talked over the phone with elf for quite a long while haha been talking more often like the last time. Guess it's good that we're being normal now ((: Can't help it, she's always the person I go to when I'm depressed or sad or ecstatic.


Last thing to note, I want to buy Boyfriend Watch, or that's what Fossil calls it. It's nice, androgynous and just plain silvery sexy with a black face.
AH. Mission to save 235$ starts todaaayyyyy.


I felt like I've been chasing shadows for the last few years, and now finally I'm chasing a tangible thing that I could grab and not let go.

ofblack&white
8:22 AM

So people, I am back and I have to say I am really sad because I missed that God-forsaken island Tioman already. So many interesting people so many new things learnt the exchange of culture with I-don't-know-where-they're-from people many cute lovable cats espesh kittens beautiful night sky with stars pretty but failed sunsets and all that seaaaaaaaa and lack of stress. Seriously I'd want to go there again next month when I get my money and people to follow me along. Guess company matters too.



AAAAAAAAHHHH back to lousy Singapore syndrome. Like how people need their smoke or drink to get their nerves working normally I NEED MILO DINOSAUR AND MY KAKI IS WORKING WHHHYYYY MUST SHE BE WORKING WHEN I NEED MILO DINOSAUR KNNBCCB. I need something more than that actually but it's not something I can get.

SO ANYWAY. MILO DINOSAUR. -.-

ofblack&white
6:23 PM

Silent dance with death.
Everything is lost.
Torn by the arrival of Autumn.

The blink of an eye, you know it's me.
You keep the dagger close at hand.
And you saw nothing.

False love turned to pure hate.
The wind cried a lamentation
before merging in with the grey.


Demon, demon of the fall.


Gasping for another breath.
She rose, screaming through close doors.
Seductive faint mist forging
through the cracks of the wall.
I shan't resist.
In tears for all of eternity.
She turned around and faced me
for the first time.


Run away, run away,
Just one second, and I was left with nothing.
Her fragrance still pulsating through damp air.
That day came to an end,
and she had lost in me,
her credence.

ofblack&white
12:28 AM